Yesterday, I had an interesting conversation with a friend. We have multiple friends who have gotten married this past year, and we were discussing how crazy it would be to get married so young. Following the typical discussion about the ideal guy, my friend made shared an alarming thought: "I am not suited for marriage! I hate to cook, and I don't naturally love children. I would be a terrible wife!"
This thought unnerved me for many reasons. It was upsetting to me that my friend, who has many strengths she would bring to a relationship, feels unfit for matrimony because she doesn't fit society's views of a good wife. There is still in existence this mindset of old that in order to be a good wife you have to love children, be an amazing cook and extreme multi-tasker, and be the perfect little home maker. Don't get me wrong! There is nothing wrong with being any of these, but there are completely suitable alternatives as well! I know many woman whose husbands do the cooking for the household and enjoy it. In today's economy, it is quite uncommon for there to only be one worker in the family. Many wives have joined their husbands in the workforce. Is there any law that says a man can't clean? I know many bachelors who keep an extremely clean home. Why should that mentality change when they obtain a wife?
It is so engraved in American society's mentality that an ideal wife stays home and keeps a good house. Let's get real. There is much more to a woman than her cleaning abilities and men are surely capable of more than bringing home the bacon. What would result from both genders stepping up and out of their stereotypical roles in a relationship?
I know how you feel I too wonder if I am going to be a good wife. I always pictured myself as career women, waking up early and heading off to work. I don’t think we would make bad wives because we what to be independent and are not traditional house wives. We can still be wives; it will be hard merging the gender roles be it can be done. I believe society will one day except the fact that traditions have changed and women are no longer playing the role as caregiver we as women are taking on many other different roles.
ReplyDeleteI posted a looonnnggg comment but it didn't publish....I'll try again in a few minutes.
ReplyDeleteWhat an excellent topic to blog about! I must say, though, I am floored when I hear young women your age make comments like this. This is the sexist thinking that partially encouraged the second wave feminist movement in the 70's of which I was a part. We tackled these issues head on and you can see the results of much of our work all around you -- women making more money, more women in CEO positions, more women in male-dominated professions, more women than men going to college. Your friend only has to open her eyes, look at our history and how much we have achieved to begin to think differently. We are 3+ decades into women's and gender research, all with the goal of changing societal understandings and broadening perceptions of how both men and women should be seen in broader, more complex ways.
ReplyDeleteI love your statement: "Let's get real. There is much more to a woman than her cleaning abilities and men are surely capable of more than bringing home the bacon." Really captures the absurdity of women thinking they cannot be good wives if they can't or don't want to take up traditional stuff -- let's face it, all domestic tasks are boring and taking care of children is important but wearing day after day when only one parent dominantly assumes that role. Well, as you know, I could go on and on. Good Partnerships are built around trust, love, and validation of individual strengths, not some arbitrary role assignment.
Brianna, you are missing the tie/connection to something that we read in class or some other published material -- I talked about this in class many times and it is a big part of the evaluation of each blog. Why don't I give you until tomorrow to add that part to this and your other blogs?
For a long time I always had the same mindset. I would always joke with my mom and say that I would make a terrible wife because I hate cleaning and sitting at home all the time, I actually love to work.
ReplyDeleteI feel that it's really important to realize the point that you made about the "independent" mentality changing just because you're married. Now, obviously you're relying on that person for emotional support and stuff like that, but I feel that if you're capable of working, cleaning, cooking, laundry and so on when you're single then you're definitely still capable of doing it once you tie the knot.